Radio Can’t Die Fast Enough

by foxxxrob


Being in a car at 6 AM is awful.  This is partly because you’re awake at 6 AM, but also because if you happen to find yourself without an iPod or CD player you’re forced to listen to the radio.  Since morning shows dominate the airwaves in the early hours, radio is even more unbearable than usual.  Morning shows suck. They are so absolutely fucking terrible.  The original radio program managers who decided that having some douche bag make wacky jokes about obscure news items at the crack of dawn should be forced to fight to the death for our amusement.  This would be just, and awesome since those guys are probably like 70 years old now.

Over the last decade I’ve read dozens of articles proclaiming that radio is on its way out.  First satellite radio was supposed to take it down, but no one wanted to pay for radio (weird). Then it was the iPod, which has at least severely weakened radio. Now being able to put apps like Pandora on smart phones is also hurting the once mighty institution.

Radio won’t actually ever die though. It’s free. There will always be enough cheap bastards who will tolerate obnoxious commercials, the rape of sound effects, and retarded jingles for the sake of free entertainment. The tragedy is that because of this morning shows will live on.  What’s worse is that as time has progressed, morning shows have actually become easier to maintain.  Reality TV and the internet have supplied a never ending topic list.

I’m not exactly an intellectual, but I can’t stand talking about shit as stupid as reality TV.  It’s replaced the weather as the lowest common conversation denominator. I tell my mom to shut up when she talks about “The Biggest Loser”, so I definitely don’t want to hear some assholes who call themselves OctoMan and Poopsicle talk about it.

Also, is there a quicker way strip yourself of all credibility than a self appointed nickname, even if it’s for a media persona? Especially when it’s totally unnecessary.  Howard Stern is by all accounts the most popular morning DJ, and he just uses his name.  Someone please explain how giving yourself a nickname that sounds like a shitty fifth grade insult makes you funnier? If someone introduced themselves to you with a nickname how quickly would you want to stop talking to them? Five seconds? Three?

I hate morning shows, and I hate their hosts.  I do not care about Bristol Palin on “Dancing with the Stars”, I do not care which city has the most bed bugs, and I do not think you are funny.  You suck. Take your lame sense of humor that you insist on sharing with the world where it belongs…to a blog.

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