Begging to Get Blown Off

There are few things worse than doing an assignment you hate.  Unfortunately it doesn’t end with school.  I do mind numbing bullshit every day at work.  The difference is that at least I’m getting paid at work, and I don’t have to take it home with me. Also I do enjoy most of my job, but still, work that sucks, well, sucks. But when that work is schoolwork it’s doubly annoying.

I’m not talking about big assignments that influence your final grade. Those are the only assignments/tests that you DO want to concentrate on. The assignments that are really annoying are the little ones, the ones you see absolutely no point in.  Most of the time you have no choice but to do them as directed and they’re boring and pointless.  Every once in a while though the assignment is odd enough, or the directions are vague enough, that you can complete the assignment with the amount of seriousness it deserves. I really enjoyed those assignments.

Spring 2005- Social Deviance

This was one of the most pointless classes I have ever taken. Sociology might have been my least favorite subject in college. I have no idea why I took three different sociology classes during my time in school. I eventually figured out that on tests, instead of studying, I could just pick the answer that I thought was the most paranoid/absurd/put the most blame on middle class white males—and I could get at least a C. It totally worked FYI.

This paper only had to be a paragraph or so, and it was supposed to be about a time you felt “singled out or like a minority” or something like that. Anyway I decided to make up a story about my fraternity brother Steve Schwartz taking me to a “cocaine party.” Why Steve? Because he sat right next to me in class and after the TA read my paper he’d pull out the next one and it’d have Steve’s name on it.

(Click a couple times to zoom in)


I got an A

Spring 2008- Writing for the Media

This class was actually pretty enjoyable.  This assignment left a lot of room for ridiculousness.  It was to write a page long movie pitch in class.  I’m aware that this is actually a pretty easy and relatively painless assignment, but it was 9am on a Friday.  I was hungover (BECAUSE I DRINK WHICH MAKES ME COOL AS SHIT) and didn’t feel like doing anything.  I decided the only way to get through this assignment was to write a pitch as stupid as the assignment itself. This is my pitch for family action film “The Mummy Whisperer.” It’s about a boy who can talk to mummies.


Act I of the epic saga

We follow the lonely boy Max Sargent. He has no friends, he’s a loner. He’s always felt he was different, but never knew why. Then one day his class went on a school trip to the natural history museum for an Egyptology exhibit.  After being picked on by some classmates Max finds himself locked in the sarcophagus with the mummy. Suddenly the mummy turns to Max and begins to talk to him. It is Tutankhamen, the boy king.  Max freaks out and breaks out. He runs to find someone and when he returns with his teacher everything is back to normal.


The Conclusion

Later that night, Tutankhamen shows up in Max’s room.  He explains that Max is the last in a long line of mummy whisperers.  King Tut says that he was killed after trying to exile the evil aliens, that built the pyramids as super weapons, from Earth.  Tut explains that in death he cursed the aliens to be frozen in time until 2007.  As a mummy whisperer Max is both King Tut’s steward and his first lieutenant.

The epic climax takes place in the midst of a huge battle on top of the pyramids/super alien weapons between the aliens (who are the same aliens as in Cocoon) and the mummy army that Max and King Tut raised. As the battle rages the new hit Madonna/Justin Timberlake song “4 Minutes to Save the World” plays because they only have four minutes to save the world. Tut, Max, and the mummy army defeat the aliens and save Earth. Tut goes back to a peaceful afterlife. For an epilogue Max is on vacation in Peru when an Incan mummy finds him, setting up a sequel.

2 Responses to “Begging to Get Blown Off”
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  1. […] being put upon the land a la “The Mummy.”  That would actually make an interesting addition to my mummy themed family action film called “The Mummy Whisperer.” That’s the only way the situation in Egypt could get more interesting at this […]

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