The Drunken Diary of an Angry Chiefs Fan


If you are not a passionate fan of a team my recommendation is to never start. No woman no cry, same idea.  Today I went to the Chiefs playoff game and it blew more than a 14 year old Vietnamese girl in Hanoi circa 1973. With my incredible foresight I decided I’d take some notes on the goings on of the festivities to share with you. I’ll start from the top.
8:50 – Awake, hungover, running a little late but we’re moving around.
9:19 – Packing up the beer and talking about how stupid it is to stand outside in below freezing weather for 6 hours.
9:54 – Paid $22 to park.
Pull into our spot, our neighbors are playing “Red and Yellow” a pretty sweet KC-esque rendition of Wiz Khalifa’s Black and Yellow. Party.
We make up for running behind by drinking at a considerable pace.
Scoping out the guys next to us. They’re late teen, early twenties guys, all in white stitched jerseys tailgating behind their SUV. I assume they’re from Johnson County.
One puts his socks on the grill to warm them up.
We talk to the neighbors, they are in fact from Johnson County, a couple go to K-State and we discuss our mutual contempt for kU.
11:33 – Met up with another friend and headed into the stadium. A live band was playing in the ramp walkup.
Take a stroll through the Hall of Honor. At this point I feel like I could murder a baby in Baltimore to get the win. If you are a fan of any NFL team and find yourself in Arrowhead check out this area, its amazing.
See cans of beer fall out of two people’s jackets as we make our way to our seats. This crowd is obviously ready to bring it’s A game (by “A” I of course mean out of control drunk)
GAMETIME
And the home of the CHIEFS! B-2 flies over (suck it terrorists), Boulevard Pale Ale in hand, lets fucking do this.
We realize this is the first playoff game in any sport we’ve been to. Feeling surprisingly warm and on top of the world, the people sitting around us seem pretty good humored.
1st Quarter
2:11 Touchdown Kansas City!  Shit faced guy behind me screamed repeatedly “We’re gonna beat the shit outta you! We’re gonna beat the shit out of you! We’re gonna beat the shit out of you!”  and “We took your best shot Baltimore and we scored!”
They show a fan on the screen wearing a red Darth Vader costume. Fuck off Oakland.
2nd Quarter
While I’m pissing a guy next me says, “This is my first Chiefs game, who is Len Dawson?” (the player on the back of my jersey) Another guy replies, “The announcer.”
HALFTIME
Not feeling great about the game but we’re close and getting the ball back.
3rd Quarter
My heart is starting to sink as the game gets away from us. At the end of the quarter I’m pretty angry and no one is talking in the stands.
4th Quarter
My friend says, “Todd Haley is raising a stink!”
I yell, “Ray Lewis is a murderer!” Chiefs fans laugh, Ravens fans look concerned and disgusted.
3:32 left in the game, freezing my ass off and Pink comes on the stadium sound system. I’m at an all time low.
No chop on the way out of the stadium this time.
My friend finds $5 on the ground.
It was truly a miserable experience walking out of that stadium. I knew going in to the game that it would probably turn out this way but for the sake of team loyalty I allowed myself believe we had a chance. No one wants to look like a fool, but the thousands of us that headed out to Raytown today looked like fools in front of the whole country (well, maybe not). What really stuck with me is I felt like I never even had an option, as soon as I knew we were going to host a playoff game I wanted to be there. The Chiefs are just like smoking cigs or shooting heroine, it’s best to never get addicted to something that will eventually destroy you. I would say that at least it’s Mizzou basketball season but they just fucking lost too.
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