Turn On, Sign In, Drop Out

With Facebook forcing people into their new profile layout the same tired arguments about privacy and user’s rights are coming back up all over the interwebs. For every new change they roll out they’ve been pretty good about giving users the ability to control their privacy, which seems to be one of the main complaints. Long story short, just adapt to their new changes or delete your profile if you’re really feeling violated by this voluntary website. Don’t post in your status that you’re tired of the Facebook changes and you’re going to delete your profile, no one gives a shit. The only people that will “like” that post are the other people as lame as you. It’s about as productive as posting “I need a boyfriend.” What you PROBABLY need to do is turn off Glee and euthanize your cats. At least move that post over to Craigslist.

My biggest annoyance with Facebook isn’t people bragging about their vacations, pictures of newborns, or hearing about what people bought at the grocery store (salad for dinner tonight? I’m INTRIGUED!). The problem, as I see it, is that I have to distort the perception of who I really am. The reason there are a lot of pictures of me drinking and doing silly things is because those are things I like (see: physically dependent) to do. I know there are shut-ins and recluses out there but for the most part when people have time off they like to socialize, often involving booze, and cut loose as much as they can. When you see a picture of me on my profile where it looks like I’m having the time of my life it’s probably because I WAS having the time of my life, though that’s probably because I’m of the mindset it’s all downhill from here.

So am I angry at Facebook? No, they’re just trying to make a buck (or a few billion) like everybody else. Am I mad at my friends for tagging me in embarrassing pictures? Hell, no. That shit is funny and I like knowing that I’ll have access to those memories later on down the road. So who is to blame for ruining my online social experience and causing this paranoia? Work. Yup, we all need a to make a living and just because you’re a human being doing totally legal, (ok, usually legal) age appropriate activities I have to lock everything down killing all the fun.

If you were honest this would be your profile pic

I swear I’m getting to a point and here it is, I believe that Facebook is changing the norms of how we think we should act. I can’t even count how many friends I have with a profile pic of them at some fancy event and then they hide the 15 other pics where they’ve vomited all over their tuxedo or spilled red wine on a toddler. But why hide it? 20 somethings are supposed to take advantage of their youth and all the boozy and hazy fun that goes with it, also everyone should be getting laid but I’ll save that for later. We shouldn’t be so concerned about looking prim and proper with our online presence when all your friends know that offline you’re a filthy, degenerate, terrible human being. I guess what I’m trying to say is put up that picture Joe snapped right after you took that monster rip, just make sure to crop the bong out when you make the thumbnail for your profile.


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