The 2nd Worst MLK Day Tribute You’ll See Today

Fox News’ rebuttal to the “I Have a Dream” speech will of course be the worst.

 

Was this your dream?!?! Me working today!?!?

Martin Luther King Day has never been a day of reflection for me. Not because I don’t respect the man or believe in his cause, mostly because I’ve spent my life sleeping through it.  But here I am today, at work on my lunch break, not asleep before 2pm on MLK Day.  Getting fewer and fewer days off is one of the small tragedies of growing up.  It still isn’t as bad as no longer being able to travel through the cupboard to Narnia, but it stings.

I haven’t been in the workforce long enough to feel any bitterness about working MLK Day yet, but I can tell it’s going to come.  On the train this morning, no one looked happy.  Granted it’s hard to find a smile on any face using public transit at 6am on a Monday morning, but today everyone was a little bit extra pissed.  The train had about a quarter of its usual passengers, and everyone on it hated those empty seats like this guy hates people who disrespect him.

I’ve tried to make this day more enjoyable for myself.  For lunch I walked down the street and grabbed a pizza from the Pi Pizza Truck.  For anyone unfamiliar with Pi, here’s the pizza I bought and had to fight the urge to make love to today:

Tell me you wouldn't hit this

Look at that thing.  It’s fucking glorious.  That sauce is unbelievable. I’d eat afterbirth if it tasted as good as that sauce.  Incidentally I DID once see a show on the Travel Channel where someone pan fried a placenta and served it to their party.  Unfortunately the guests knew they were eating placenta and willingly indulged.  If it were me I’d fry that thing up and tell everyone it was calamari until the tray was empty and their lips were all coated with fried placenta and my famous cilantro lime dipping sauce. Then I’d reveal that they all just ate medical waste.  And that’s reason #18383723 why my future wife is having a tub birth.  But what was I saying? Oh yea, Pi is the shit.

Hopefully the rest of my MLK Day will go by quickly.  I don’t want this day to get to me because I don’t want to be at a place in my life where a job at the Post Office starts looking good…again (the economy was SOOOOO bad).  I briefly entertained the thought of staging a non-violent protest MLK style against my having to work today, but I ruled it out. My ADD is too active for non-violent demonstration. I need to see immediate results, I’d probably break something or start a fire after like 20 minutes.  I know I’d get arrested though, which sucks.  It’s always a bummer when you don’t get to loot after a riot that you yourself started.

Anyway let’s move past eating afterbirth and mildly inappropriate riot references to say HAPPY Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  Although my current employer has relegated you to Veterans Day status, I’ll never forget those 20 years I got a day off because of you…or you know all the civil equality and social justice you strived for.  That was pretty great too.

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  1. […] like this from the magazine that ranked La Pizza ahead of Pi in their best pizza of St. Louis list. I once said that I would fuck a Pi pizza because it looked so good. Well I HAVE fucked a Fatted Calf burger, that’s how good it is. I fucked it, ate it, and then […]



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