Hell Hath No Fury Like a Mother Bored

At this point, someone has blamed everything in the world for corrupting children. Video games, rap music, cable news, gay Teletubbies, that slut Ms. Piggy, etc.  Everything has a bad influence on children nowadays. I agree, I think everything is a bad influence on children. Children grow into high school kids, and high school kids are pretty much all awful little fuckers.  No matter what influences a child they become a teenager/high school kid and they are instantly a terrible person neither capable of intelligent decision making, or mercy.

I’m also a bad influence on children.  Keep me away from your kids.  Sure I’ll be nice to them and they’ll laugh at dumb jokes I make. But eventually I’ll forget a five year old is standing next to me and I’m going to drop an F-bomb or make a wildly offensive comment over the phone or something.  I don’t actually think my friend’s grandpa got herpes “essing some Nazi D’s” at a Stalag in Poland for extra potatoes. I just said that because my friend roots for the Phillies.  Little Timmy, however, doesn’t know any better.

Although 99% of the world is a bad influence on children I didn’t think my personal favorite childhood toy Legos were.   Apparently, I was mistaken. According to this opinion piece Legos are now convincing the nation’s children that everything ever to do with our legal system and incarceration of prisoners is awesome and perfect. And that.is.WRONG. Where is this coming from? This toy:

Want to get real Lego? Where's the "Shower Rape/Shiv Fight" Set?

They also have a police dog unit which of course confirms to us that our nation’s drug laws are infallible. Their police boat set validates the widely held claim that our border control policies are faultless. And let’s not forget this Separatist Shuttle which sends the message that violent rebellion and unethical trade treaties with vulnerable planets in the galaxy are okay.  I mean these are the people who blockaded Naboo just to impose their will.  Is that the kind of message we want to send our kids about intergalactic politics?

But back to the “Prisoner Transport” toy that is teaching our children all the wrong things about the U.S. legal system. We’ll overlook the fact that Legos are a Dutch toy and that this prison truck looks like something a European jewel thief would be hauled off in, it’s totally American.  You see, this toy is glossing over the complex inequities facing our legal system today.  If children play with this toy, they’re not going to be provided the proper perspective they otherwise would’ve received had the toy not been given to them.

Rebecca Walker, the author of this article (and an undoubtedly huge bitch), supposes that if there is a toy that gives simplistic, candy coated messages like as “prisoners are transported in trucks”, there should also be toys depicting the problems with our legal system too.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve made so many rape references on this blog that our search engine hits are getting progressively creepier by the day.  But I don’t think having a toy that depicts “a tribunal set in which the guards who have been caught raping and abusing juvenile prisoners are held accountable for their actions,” is going to help your child get a better understanding of the U.S. legal system. Besides that idea sounds a lot stupider when you re-pitch it as a series of Lego sets based on the film “Sleepers.”

Later Ms. Walker attempts to make a claim that this toy set is also setting a bad example because lots of black people are in prison, or something.  You’ll notice that the prisoner depicted in the toy set is white, actually Dutch Yellow, but either way not black.

I could’ve maybe accepted an article on the inappropriateness of Lego’s “Pirates” set, since it depicts colonialism in a fun, cartoony way.  I mean after all, the “Small Pox Ravaged Indian Village” set was a little much, I knew that even as a seven year old. At least there’s an actual race angle in that argument.

My suggestion to Ms. Walker, whose child does not even own the toy in question, is to let your kid have the “Prisoner Transport” set.  The best way to teach your child isn’t to keep them away from ideas, it’s to let them see as much as possible.  So get your kid the toy, and then DVR 30 hours of “Locked Up” and sit your kid in front of the TV until they run out of tears. That should teach any child everything they need to know about the U.S. Prison system, you know, assuming a child can understand any of that whatsoever…stay away from Legos bitch!

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