R U DTF?

Although not the best euphamism for "penis", he probably still got laid

A poll released by “Shape” and “Men’s Fitness” magazine says that using social media like texting and Facebook to correspond with women will make them more likely to sleep with you quicker.  Magazine polls are always a bit questionable, but I for one 100% believe this.  Dr. Belisa Vranich confirms that texting is helpful when attempting to bed a lady because “it gives the false impression that you’ve actually been together for a longer amount of time…” In layman terms this means that women feel like they’ve known the man longer, so they don’t feel as guilty about putting that man’s penis in their vagina. Whatever helps you sleep at night (after getting plowed by a guy you barely know).

Dr. Vranich makes a valid point about the illusion of knowing someone better/longer. There is another factor that I think she overlooks though.  I am far better at “talking” to women via text than I am via mouth.  Why? The ability to edit myself.  You can type something out, if it sounds stupid you can adjust it, and then send.  In person you don’t get a do over, you can never take back that awkwardly delivered euthanasia joke.  Or as one of this website’s writers knows, you can’t unshow your date the porn app on your cell phone.

The fact that you aren’t face to face, or even speaking with the woman, adds another advantage.  The comfortable distance and relative privacy exchanging texts offers allows both parties to be more evocative and forward.  I have to imagine it’s a whole lot sexier when I say something suggestive via text.  In person I’d stammer through that same comment, immediately apologize, and then make another bad joke (probably about euthanasia again, why am I still going there damnit!).

There are of course times when being too forward with your texts can come back to haunt you.  Everyone is well aware of the Brett Favre incident.  There is a still a line that normally shouldn’t be crossed.  After all, the woman is trying to convince herself that she isn’t a slut.  Sending her a picture of your flaccid penis is counterproductive. Especially when that penis has apparently suffered permanent shrinkage from a decade and a half of playing football outdoors all winter in Green Bay.  He doesn’t have to be on the football field to look like a little kid out there anymore. I’d only suggest sending along a cock shot if you think she’ll enjoy it, not out of desperation. Or if you have a Greg Oden-esque pants monster. That thing looked like Aroldis Chapman’s left arm.

Ironically although text messaging may be your best friend in terms of getting you laid, it becomes your worst enemy if that one night stand turns into a relationship.  It isn’t the case with all women, but having a girlfriend who insists on texting you 70 times a day will pretty effectively end any enjoyment you once got from texting that girl. So when you’re starting out with a woman, text away, chances are you’ll come off a lot smoother than in person. That, along with the illusion of “knowing you longer”, will apparently get you laid in a timely manner.  I can only assume that if you pretend you’re a mute and communicate only through text you’ll be knee deep in pussy for the rest of your life. If someone could try that and get back to me it’d be much appreciated.

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