Who’s Hungry?

Do not want

Fast food is the cornerstone of this great nation. Without its delectable products 16-25 year olds all over America would surely perish from a lack of vital nutrients. So what is this I hear about Taco Bell’s beef actually being a smorgasbord of chemicals, salt, and utter shit? I’ll just say color me shocked! According to ‘Toledo’s News Leader’, WTOL, some Alabama lawyers are looking to sue T-Bell for false advertising. Ok, I’ll bite, (pun alert!) what’s the deal Beasley Allen Law Firm? Oh, you’re saying that the T-Bell’s beef is made up of only 36% actual cow meat. Alright, yeah, that’s pretty nasty.

But does it really matter if Taco Bell is lying to us anyway? Will it make anyone stop eating there? I say no. I saw Supersize Me, just like everyone else I watched it with we craved McDonald’s immediately after wards. I know this isn’t some weird isolated incident because plenty of other people have confessed the same. The only explanation I can think of is the cocaine seasoning I suspect they use. I guess my point here is even when we know what’s in this stuff it doesn’t really keep us from wanting it.

I used to know a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous, German foreign exchange student. Like any good traveler she sampled the local fare and lived the American Dream. In the process she gained some American sized weight. I can’t say it’s all from fast food, it probably wasn’t, but it was definitely from our overall cuisine. So it’s not just about American’s appetites; rather, it’s a matter of exposure. If you’ve had it once you can’t stop. That’s what I contend it all boils down to, fast food is delicious. It’s not better than anything you make at home or get at a decent restaurant but for the price and convenience it is sublime. Plus, everyone knows foods that are bad for you taste the best. Science. At this time it’s important to note facebook stalking would indicate the aforementioned lady is back to her stunning former figure after returning to the Fatherland.

Domino Cortez Jr.

Now I’m left wondering, as if it wasn’t already on my mind before, what ingredients make the cut at other fast food places. I’m all but certain that a McDonald’s hamburger is made of at least 30% Taiwanese afterbirth. I’ve heard enough stories about KFC’s mutant chickens to expect any offspring I may produce to have four arms. (Like Goro from Mortal Combat!) Burger King is currently on my shit list for serving me a pink gooey sponge on a bun. Really, is it even bad for you to eat undercooked mush? I mean, I’m sure the ammonia used to sterilize it killed all the E. Coli.

Another thing to consider is that even at non-fast food places you’re still going to be eating processed food (read: bad for you) just prepared in different ways. I’ve worked in the food industry and just about every place orders from the same mass distributors, I’m talking about businesses like Sysco in particular. This is where people are going to say, “Hey Domino, I only eat at places with organic, locally grown food.” And I’ll reply, “Why don’t you eat a bowl of dicks with that wheatgrass smoothie?” It’s great that you are willing to pay more and suffer through the pretension that comes with those places but that’s not for me.

So I say spare the outrage, none of this is new, none of it will change your mind. This low quality isn’t some grand secret. When you drive through ANY town in this country and you see those bright lights and slogans trying to get you to stop and have a bite don’t roll your eyes. Grab a ‘beef’ burrito, admire the beauty of those signs, and take a bite of Americana.

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