A Synopsis of “The Dilemma” by Someone Who Has Only Seen Two Previews.

So, Vince Vaughn and Kevin James are best pals. They work together in Chicago. They have been bff’s for like, ever. Lived on the same block, lit flaming bags of crap on their neighbors steps together, discovered boobs and jerking off at the same time, went to school, always had each other’s backs, etc. They decide “Oh, yay, we’ll go on a couple’s vacation to Hawaii or Mexico or some sort of tropical paradise with our wives/girlfriends.”

 

Aren't they just so wacky!?

It all seems great until Vinny happens upon Kev’s wife rumplin’ the ol’ foreskin on some strapping young pool boy. Vince finds out and faces the dilemma (see what I did there?) to tell or not tell Kevin. Like in all of his roles, the love interest of Kevin James is well out of his league. I mean seriously, as a portly gentleman myself, we do no pull broads that look that good. But I digress.

Ya see, Kevin can’t know about his wife’s skanky transgressions because he has some big work thing that everyone said he couldn’t do because he is inadequate or fat or not funny or made a shitty sitcom or unfunny stand up special or something like that.  This work thing will make or break his career! But, he’s out to prove that he is capable of responsibility after that company Fourth of July Party where he got blitzed on Tequila and Cheerwine and “accidentally” ran down Joe from accounting’s autistic son in his Tahoe.

So, Vince can’t let him know or he will freak out, mess up the account and end up like some sort of Dickensian pauper, reeking of cheap gin and begging for Tuppences on the street. The movie goes on with a bunch of hilarious hijinx at Vince Vaughn’s expense while he is trying to hide the affair. (He falls in some poisonous flowers! And it makes it hurt to pee! FUCKING BRILLIANT!)

Eventually Vince slips up and Kevin finds out and then freaks out. He eventually pulls himself up by his bootstraps, kicks the ol’ girl to the curb, nails his presentation or whatever the hell, goes to a Blackhawks game and then finds some other attractive broad that he would never, ever have a chance of nailing if this were real life. She lets Kevin James, be Kevin James and loves him for who he is.  Vince’s urinations become less painful, he makes some more wise-ass jokes…ta-da! There’s 90-120 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

Chuck Brokowski

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