Nein Means Nein

In news that will have every awful sitcom writer jacking off for a week: A Turkish man living in Germany is seeking a divorce from his wife because she wanted to have sex too much.  He claimed he’d been sleeping on the sofa for the last four years to avoid his wife. The man finally became so tired of his wife’s attempts at seduction that he actually sought refuge at his local police station.  Although the report didn’t mention it I suspect some unwanted ass play was his main motivation for rejecting his wife’s advances.

Apparently the man is looking forward to the divorce because he can finally get a good night’s sleep and go to work well rested. The wife was not reached for comment but is no doubt relieved that this happened in Germany and not their native Turkey. The punishment for such a crime in Turkey is of course 50 lashings to the vagina in the public square.  She would’ve also been forced to wear baskets full of poisonous snakes as shoes for three months…probably.

There is one bright spot in this divorce. Their two children will have a pretty tough time blaming themselves for the separation.  That is unless the man was denying the wife because his sexual needs were being fulfilled via the babysitter.  Then it’s totally the kids’ fault.  Damn selfish kids.

There are really only two possible explanations for this story.  Either the man is gay, in which case my unwanted ass play theory goes right out the window.  Or the woman is a she-beast that could bridge the Bosporus Straits.  Unfortunately those super relevant pieces of information were left out of the story.

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