Skull Fucked

Have fun ripping the head off of that

Watching the news over the last few days has been incredibly gratifying for me.  I’ve been a champion of regime change in Egypt for years. I first took up the cause after drawing it out of a hat. I had randomly decided that I should give a crap about something.  Full disclosure: the first cause I drew was animal rights but that I thought it was lame.  The day someone tells me I can’t eat a steakon (steak and bacon) sandwich while beating my dog is the day we stop calling this country America.

It’s uncertain what the best outcome from the Egyptian protests could be (from an American standpoint). I’m getting a little disturbed at some of the things I’m reading about the protests though.  Side note: is protest the Egyptian word for “epic rioting?”  No, the protesters getting tear gassed and sprayed with water cannons aren’t what’s disturbing.  You’ve pretty much got to expect to be hosed down if you’re going to have a political rage fest in the streets (unless you’re gay).  What I’m the most disturbed about is this story I read on Yahoo the other day.  Apparently looters ripped the heads off two mummies in an Egyptian museum.

Maybe Egyptians are more acclimated to 3,000 year old mummified corpses (I assume there’s an open sarcophagus on every street corner in Cairo) but that strikes me as the grossest thing ever.  I imagine it’d be like trying to rip out a petrified rotten cantaloupe that’s glued into a really old leather jacket sleeve. Is there any mummy goo still left or is everything dried up? These bodies are really well preserved after all.  The horrid death smell that would shoot out the mummy’s neck has to be indescribable.  There’s no way it’s worth it. The crime makes even less sense when you consider that those mummies are literally surrounded by every piece of treasure they’ve ever owned.

“Achmed what are you doing with all that gold you idiot! Get over here and help me rip off this thing’s head. If we have time we’ll grab the 8 stillborn fetuses he was buried with.”

If only the looters had gotten away with this weird crime. Scouring Egypt’s Craigslist section would’ve provided endless hours of entertainment. Here’s hoping that the looters’ desecration of the corpses leads to a curse being put upon the land a la “The Mummy.”  That would actually make an interesting addition to my mummy themed family action film called “The Mummy Whisperer.” That’s the only way the situation in Egypt could get more interesting at this point.

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