Where There’s a Sewing Machine, There’s Trouble

Perhaps this Egyptian wizard created all the flags with a spell

This might be the stupidest thing you ever read about Egypt, but it’s a question that has been on my mind for some time.  When there is some kind of huge political movement/revolution/liberation where the fuck do the mobs of people you see get all those flags? I don’t know if this makes me a bad American, but I have no idea where to buy a full sized American flag. I know where to buy apparel decorated with the American flag, should I just wave around a jean jacket with Old Glory stitched to the back of it?


If I had to guess at where to buy one I’d probably pick Wal-Mart, I assume they have the monopoly on them anyway.  But still, they don’t have 10,000 American flags in stock (besides the Stars and Bars outsells it at Wal-Mart anyway). So where do these mobs pick up whichever flag they need?

Do people plan ahead? For example, often times when the Americans liberated towns and cities in World War II they were greeted by throngs of happy citizens waving American flags. At what place of business were these American flags purchased? What Nazi Germany policy allowed that to be okay? The flags were obviously hidden, but where? I can only assume there were secret flag closets all across cities like Amsterdam. Was the attic catty corner to Anne Frank filled with Union Jacks and Stars & Stripes?

Planning ahead seems essential to the mass flag waving. With that in mind what I take from the absurd amount of flags seen at protests, liberations, etc is this:

If you’re a dictator or occupying force, pay close attention to the rise in flag sales and/or fabric and thread of certain colors. There’s a good chance it’s directly correlating with how much time you have left in power. If there are a lot of angry youths showing up at Michaels, shit’s about to go down.

Also the craft and flag industries really benefit from civil unrest and wars involving territorial expansion. 300 dead in Egypt equals profits rising 300% (that was awful, sorry…GO EGYPT!).  Hypothetically if there were a large civil uprising in the U.S. like there is in Egypt one of the greatest benefactors would be the owners of craft stores. It’d be similar to after 9/11 when everyone bought flags and made American flag stuff…my God…maybe it wasn’t Diddy who brought down the towers after all! The owners of craft stores had the most to gain! CUI BONO!!! CUIIIIII BONOOOOOOOOOO!


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