Walk it Out

I was either going to use the current title or “Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home.” Both are apt representations of what’s going on in state legislatures across the country. It started with those heroic Wisconsin senators who fled the capitol, and the state, as a part of Wisconsin protests to stop a bill which aims to strip public workers of their collective bargaining rights. Now Indiana Democrats have done the same thing in hopes of stopping a piece of anti-union legislation.

I’m all for unions, they are incredibly helpful to that sacred, fragile, glorious, ever fellated sect of society known as the middle class. In fact, if this bill in Indiana passes it could cost middle class workers in the Hoosier state up to $5,300 a year (according to something). I can tell you from experience that not having 5,300 dollars sucks a lot.

Welcome to Gary, Indiana BLAAAAAAHHHHHH

I’m thrilled to see this kind of passion in Wisconsin lawmakers. I’m even happy to see it in the equally passionate albeit completely unoriginal lawmakers from Indiana. Of course you can only expect so much from the state that gave us Gary, Indiana, Earth’s least exciting city (until Wal-Mart builds a city for China, or vice versa).

Although these walk outs send a strong message, a line has to be drawn.  Not because they’re irresponsible, not because the people involved aren’t right, but because this has a chance to become a VERY annoying trend. What the Wisconsin senators did was edgy and cool, Indiana made me think “okay, I get it.” If Idaho starts getting in on this action, it’s officially become lame. You know what happens when you’re the last kid in school to show up in that cool new jacket with a picture of Joe Jonas on the back? Nothing, because everyone else already has it. And no one will care no matter how many times you tell them you would’ve gotten it sooner but your mom said you had to wait until Christmas to get something that expensive. College was rough.

These walkouts are going to lose their effect. I for one already resent the fact that I can’t just get up and leave work whenever something isn’t going my way.

Who the ate the last Goddman longjohn donut?!?!!? Peace out fuckers!

The only people who make more money hanging out in highway motels than these congressmen are the hookers they bang.

Lawmakers, Democrats or Republicans, have to keep their dramatic gestures fresh. That’s the best way to ensure the continued support of their constituents and act like they’re making a difference. Instead of walking out, why not incapacitate yourselves? Everyone take enough sleeping pills to put you in a week long coma. Elderly congressional members can drink a glass of warm milk and sit in front of a portable heater.  Think of the message that would send. Dozens of congressmen downing pills and sipping milk until they pass out cold on the floor the statehouse would be a headlining photo for the ages.

Thinking of new ways to achieve such grand symbolic statements won’t be easy, so it’s important to support your legislatures no matter what they do, as long as it’s creative.  For example a certain party’s members could crap under their seats and pay the janitors to refrain from cleaning. That way it would be too unbearable to sit in the capitol building and vote. It may not be as poetic as a walkout, but damnit it’d be just as effective (especially in Wisconsin, that’s a diet made up almost entirely of sausage and cheese).

So am I for these walkouts? Yes and no. I definitely support the causes, and I love a good dramatic gesture. But these state legislatures have got to keep it fresh, they owe that much to the voters, considering they won’t be working.


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