The Best of February

 

In case for some reason you missed any of the brilliant articles we wrote during the most depressing month of the year, here they are:

My Snowpocalypse Diary

The personal diary I kept while attempting to survive the epic Snowpocalypse of 2011. Spoiler alert, I died and all posts published since have been authored by my ghost.

Tripping (Snow)Balls

Ever wonder what it’s like to eat some mushrooms and wade through several feet of snow in what seems like an abandoned town? Yeah that sounds like it has all the makings for a bad trip…and a GREAT ARTICLE!!!!

Where There’s a Sewing Machine, There’s Trouble

Where exactly do those protesters get all those flags? How monitoring the sales of certain items at craft stores can accurately predict any revolution.

iCarly Forcing Children to Hate the Homeless, Say Internet Busybodies

This article made some guy want to throw boiling hot water in my face…remind me not to let any strangers cook me pasta for awhile.

Broke Back Parking Lot

Domino Cortez blames being out of shape on old age. What kind of pussy can’t single-handedly push his car out of an icy parking spot?

God Gets to Machines Before Machines Become God

How a confession app on the iPhone will one day document and even predict all of your sins! It’s the future of Catholic guilt!

What “The Situation” from MTV’s Jersey Shore Can Teach Us About Succeeding In A Tough Economy.

Because he has more money than me and you, he IS a better person

Domino’s Guide to Handling VD

That’d be Valentine’s Day…although depending on the disease they often feel the same.

Yo Abe Lincoln! SUCK MY DICK!

The greatest piece of 19th Century hate mail I have ever read, and I even modernized it for you.

Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” is Preaching to the Choir That isn’t Allowed in Church

A song with the right message still won’t reach a new audience if it’s basically the soundtrack to a glittery boyfest.

Watch Out for Those Angry Badgers & The Impossible Task of Dispersing an Angry Crowd with Whom the Police Sympathize

Our two articles getting all political and stuff about Wisconsin…also we have riot envy

Grand Old Wonderland

Kyle Hanes and his guest author Nick Gerhardt break down the possible GOP presidential candidates by comparing them to “Alice in Wonderland” characters…which character chokes hookers again?

This is My Penis, There are Many Like it, but it is My Own…Bitch

Why are Vagina Monologues cast parties not that fun? Because they just remind you that as a man, you can’t talk about your penis whenever you want to, at least not in an artistic way.

Chris Hanson’s Got Nothing on Me

Does watching the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon everyday qualify me to be an undercover officer stinging perverts online? Yes, yes it does.

Charlie Sheen Exposes the Truth About Vatican Assassins & My Time Living With the Vatican Assassins

Two chilling and 100% true accounts about our experiences with the Vatican Assassins Lenny Dykstra and Charlie Sheen. This is some groundbreaking, revealing stuff…like for realz.

Bukowski Moments

Is a hobo still a hobo if he writes about it? Nope, he’s Charles Bukowski

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