Attention South Africa, Smoking AIDS Meds and Rat Poison Won’t Get You High, That is All

I think I just found my anti-drug. Apparently in South Africa, drug addicts are stealing the medication of people infected with HIV and AIDS, combining the medicine (Anti-retroviral Stocrin) with detergent and rat poison and lacing their joints with it. Don’t worry I had to reread that too.  The addicts believe the drug, combined with the detergent and rat poison, increases the hallucinogenic effects of marijuana. There is however absolutely zero scientific proof of this.

The drug is known as whoonga, not to be confused with other common South African words like Bafana Bafana, their men’s soccer team. The native language has a way of making every word sound more fun than it really is. Whoonga is highly addictive. According to whoonga users the drug is most often smoked just to stop addicts from feeling like crap if they don’t smoke it for awhile. That would explain why I saw a rat doing lines of rat poison at the train station the other day.

Whoonga also has quite a few side effects, including internal bleeding, stomach ulcers, and death by vomming out your insides. The last claim is according to one former whoonga user who watched his friend turn inside out while OD’ing.  I keep getting a mental image of the devil standing shirtless in a trailer cooking this drug up in his meth lab parked next to the river Styx.  Yes even in Hell meth labs are in the boonies.

The second worst thing about this drug is that apparently it doesn’t even heighten the effects of marijuana. Scientists have found no evidence of heightened hallucination while users claim it only works for a short time. Essentially this travesty is going on for absolutely no reason. At this point the only reason it’s perpetuated has to be because so many people are already addicted. After your “7 minutes in Heaven” (so-to-speak) are up the only reason they smoke whoonga is because they have to. So, if there aren’t any real effects is everyone just exaggerating to seem cool? Is it like that first time you smoke pot where you and your friends inevitably do it wrong, feel no effect but lie about it anyway?

Totally a job for America

My personal view of South Africa was floating somewhere between what I saw during the World Cup (best case) and District 9 (worst case).  Now, after reading this, I’d have to say South Africa is planted firmly on the District 9 side of the “what is this country really like” debate.  I still have no idea why, in that movie, South Africa was allowed to be in charge of the caretaking of the first aliens mankind ever made contact with, even if it was in their country. Did South Africa call in every favor it ever had? That’s the kind of situation where first world countries sit down at a table and say: “With all due respect South Africa, you’re South Africa. We’re going to go ahead and handle this before you get all our asses vaporized for addicting a bunch of ET’s to rat poison and AIDS medicine.”

By far the worst part about this drug is that innocent people with AIDS are being robbed of their medicine. All this so that these drug addicts can avoid the world’s worst stomach ache for a few hours. Now, I can’t begin to fathom the kind of diarrhea you get from a drug that’s worst case scenario is expelling your intestines, but that’s still no excuse.  Obviously, all joking aside, this entire problem stems from a lack of education. I mean basic education. Go to a suburban neighborhood and find that dipshit teenager who’s willing to get high on anything. That kid would probably scarf down almost everything in his parents’ medicine cabinet but I’m guessing even he would balk at AIDS medicine, let alone rat poison (detergent is fair game though).

Here’s hoping as a deterrent a few more of the awful fucks stealing AIDS medication from impoverished South Africans who can barely afford it OD out on the street. It’s a basic human instinct to not want to be turned inside out, you don’t have to know how to read to put 2 and 2 together on that one.

2 Responses to “Attention South Africa, Smoking AIDS Meds and Rat Poison Won’t Get You High, That is All”
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  1. […] Haters gonna hate, right? Yes, people will always judge you and use your life as yardstick to measure themselves. Go right ahead, I see it like this: You don’t like my clothes, music, personality, or interests? That’s fine, because YOU don’t matter. See what I did there? Pretty easy, no? Seriously as soon as I stopped giving a shit and starting using all that wasted energy I spent worrying on things I like to do I became a lot happier. I’m not going to say I don’t have any insecurities or that I think my life is perfect, far from it. I just think that you should do whatever makes you happy. Most importantly avoid the things that make you unhappy, most people can’t get out of work but they could dump that shitty girlfriend, stop stalking people they hate, or quit that AIDS medicine addiction. […]

  2. […] with the laptop itself I’m going to fly to South Africa and steal someone’s AIDS medication. Then I’m going to smoke whoonga until my craps consist mostly of blood and my liquefied internal o…. Once I start consistently having what I’ve dubbed “zombie diarrhea” I’m going to put […]

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