Dan Akroyd Would Like to Have a Few Words With You

Sunday afternoon may have changed my life forever. It seemed like a typical Sunday, milling around the house, mindlessly enjoying my day off before I had to return to the daily grind. That was all about to change. I sat down for a little roommate bonding sesh that would include a viewing of ‘Dan Akroyd Unplugged on UFOs’ or as I like to refer to it ‘Dans Akroyd’s Nightmare Factory.’

How I hadn’t even heard of this until recently I have no idea, it was made in 2005. Recently a few of my friends with Netflix accounts noticed this ‘documentary’ and the idea of listening to Dan Akroyd talk about aliens for 1 ½ hours seemed too good to be true. We all mentally prepared ourselves by getting high, maybe a little too high, and posting up on some couches.

In case you didn’t know, I didn’t, Dan Akroyd is a huge believer that UFOs and aliens visit our planet. I had never really thought about it as much as Dan. I guess my opinion was that aliens probably existed (it’s a big universe out there) but since they seem to leave everyone alone they rarely crossed my mind. Together with film maker David Sereda, Dan was about to rock my fucking world. If it is not already clear, I whole heartedly endorse checking this thing out. If for no other reason than to watch Akroyd uncomfortably shift around in his seat while smoking cigs.

It all begins with Dan laying down some pretty sound logic. He says that looking at what we have been able to accomplish technologically in the past 100 years just think about what could be done if a society had even more time. What if there was an additional 100 or even 1000 years to work on space travel? We’d be the Dale Earnhardt (before the wall) of the cosmos. Combine that idea with the scope of the universe and it definitely seems possible that somewhere out there a society has figured out interstellar travel.

Sereda, the interviewer/director, bills Akroyd as one of the greatest minds of our time. This is obviously horseshit, though I love his work, he is not. He does however have an encyclopedic knowledge of UFO history in the US. He talks about a wide array of people and events related to the phenomena.  According to this film a nuclear WWIII scenario was almost started by aliens, US fighter planes have been used to scramble UFOs for decades, and the government once shot down UFOs over Los Angeles. While listening to these stories you’re treated to what seems to be a loop of UFO photos and videos, some are of better quality than others. (Further research indicates a few are confirmed fakes)

A couple more gems worth noting:

  • Dan says that we are dealing with intelligently controlled crafts
  • “Mind control is definitely at play here”
  • The Men in Black showed up while Dan was on the phone with Britney Spears to intimidate him from airing a show about UFOs. They, along with their black SUV, then disappeared.

Uhhhhhhhhh.....

Really, to anyone that has ever watched the History Channel in the last few years none of this comes as a shock. Most people agree that the US government is pretty shady with this stuff, see: Area 51. Things start to get a little crazy though when Dan gets into the NASA Space Tether incident. Here is my understanding of this, NASA sent up a 12.5 mile long tether that was supposed to get dragged around the ionosphere creating energy. This tether didn’t work right and eventually snapped and began floating out in space. At this time NASA filmed it and when they switched the camera to infra red these pulsing circles were seen flying around it and moving in unnatural patterns, like those described of UFOs. The film’s conclusion was that aliens were flying by to check out our tether. OK, maybe. Well they decided they’d try to estimate how big these things were which they could do because they knew the size of the tether and its distance. They estimated them to be about 3 miles wide.

To recap, Dan believes there are 3 mile wide motherships floating around our planet that cannot be seen with the naked eye. This is when I lost my shit. Watch the video here.

Again, I probably got too high before watching this but what the fuck? The idea alone scares the hell out of me. At this point I’m eating out of Akroyd’s hand as he begins to tie everything together. He pleas that the time for questioning UFOs existence is behind us, there is already enough evidence out there. What the government needs to do now is let the cat out of the bag, we need to confirm people’s suspicions and start moving forward as a society after first contact. I was thinking, hell yeah Dan!

You Monster.

It’s been a few days and I’ve finally wrapped my head around everything I saw. I’ve since changed my shit stained blue jeans. Now, I don’t want to pay too much credence to everything; some of it is very, very, very stupid. Nonetheless, I’m now way more interested, and definitely terrified, of the possibility of alien life. Thanks Dan, I guess.

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