Charlie Sheen, Please Don’t Stop Winning

I don’t like to beat a dead horse (figuratively that is, literally beating a dead horse rules) but I have to talk about Charlie Sheen again.  This post is meant as a plea.  Not a plea for Charlie Sheen to seek help, or stop his behavior, or consider his children.  This is a plea for … Continue reading

Analyzing a First Graders Account of how to Rape a Present

This fine piece of literature was discovered at my job by a coworker. For some reason my place of business gets a ton of drawings and letters from kids, however I have no idea why. Maybe there’s a daycare in the building or something. Anyway, my coworker decided it had to be posted on his … Continue reading

Photo of the Arbitrary Time Period

Since we don’t technically do a “Photo of the Day” I figured it wouldn’t be right to classify this picture as that.  Regardless of how you want to label the picture below, you can only describe it as awesome. I like to think whatever wonderful human being that parked here was either the world’s most … Continue reading

Domino’s Doodles (NSFW)

Welcome back to Domino’s Doodles where I attempt to brighten up your day with some drawings I’ve been working on. Without further adieu lets jump right on in. First up is a softcore porn drawing. Both participants really seem to be enjoying themselves, no? I added some color to symbolize the passion of coitus, decided … Continue reading

The Diamond Thief Proposal

The other day I stumbled across an old high school friend’s wedding website.  He is currently engaged and is set to be married this summer. The wedding site seemed pretty standard. A place to blog, info on the ceremony and accomodations, etc.  There was even an entire page dedicated to the proposal.  The page shares … Continue reading

Indiana Jones Franchise is a Theatrical Rorschach Test

I spent a good portion of my Sunday watching the Indiana Jones marathon that was on the USA network all day. Naturally I was really high and did a lot of soul searching in the process. What I realized is that you can tell what kind of a person someone is, simply by asking which … Continue reading

Huckabee v. Portman: Finally a Good Reason to Side with the Hot One

Mike Huckabee, I used to like you, not as a presidential candidate, God no not as that.  But despite your belief that evolution was as fictional as Harry Potter (which I assume you also loathe) I thought you were a nice guy.  The kind of guy it would be fun to sit down and have … Continue reading

Missouri vs. Kansas: A Biased, Semi-Factual Account of the Deadliest Rivalry in College Sports

Tomorrow, one of college sports bloodiest rivalries will take place once again, Missouri vs. kansas. While this rivalry isn’t as popular as  Ohio State vs. Michigan, or Duke vs. North Carolina, I guarantee you its genesis is way more badass than either of those. I would like to explain how I think the rivalry came … Continue reading

An HP Laptop is to Computers What the Challenger was to Space Shuttles

Hewlett-Packard, get fucked. Get fucked SO hard…in an uncomfortable way. For the last two years I have owned an HP laptop. For the last year it has been quickly decomposing. The other day it finally died. The thing was barely two years old.

Domino’s Doodles

Hey guys, I’m starting a new semi-regular feature called Domino’s Doodles and this will be my first installment. Basically I’ll just be posting pictures of drawings that I’ve been working on. Most of them are nonsensical, which is more or less the point, but I hope that they’ll make you laugh or brighten up your … Continue reading

They Were Simpler Times

Look at that these pictures, those were the good old days weren’t they? Well not if you were black or a woman or anything other than white, and even then still not Irish either. I’d include gays on that list but back then science said they didn’t exist or something. The 19-aughts may not have … Continue reading

I Don’t Care

A couple recent events have led me to some self reflection and I think this last year I’ve finally learned one of life’s most important lessons: Stop giving a shit about what people think of you. That’s right, when your mom told you life isn’t a popularity contest and you should just be yourself, she … Continue reading

Attention South Africa, Smoking AIDS Meds and Rat Poison Won’t Get You High, That is All

I think I just found my anti-drug. Apparently in South Africa, drug addicts are stealing the medication of people infected with HIV and AIDS, combining the medicine (Anti-retroviral Stocrin) with detergent and rat poison and lacing their joints with it. Don’t worry I had to reread that too.  The addicts believe the drug, combined with … Continue reading

The Best of February

  In case for some reason you missed any of the brilliant articles we wrote during the most depressing month of the year, here they are: My Snowpocalypse Diary The personal diary I kept while attempting to survive the epic Snowpocalypse of 2011. Spoiler alert, I died and all posts published since have been authored … Continue reading

If You Insist on Getting Caught Cheating, Just Get Your Secretary Pregnant

Recently a news story aired in my area that caught my attention. It was the kind of story that local network news would cover. A topical story with a scandalous twist that had an appeal suited perfectly to the 30 and up viewers that local news aims for. The topic was “Did spouses get caught … Continue reading

The One Where I Objectify Women in the Name of Research

I blog, therefore I am a journalist. Feeling the weight of this responsibility, I googled “journalist integrity definition”. Turns out, with my previous posts, I’ve let the institution of journalism down; I’ve let my fellow bloggers down; more importantly, I’ve let you, the readers, down. Print media has long-held to the standards of accuracy, fairness and objectivity. … Continue reading

My Time Living with the Vatican Assassins

  My colleague Rob did an excellent job detailing his experience with the Vatican Assassin Lenny Dykstra. I too have a story to tell, one that I thought I’d never share for fear of death, but now that Charlie Sheen has shed light on the brotherhood I think it’s my time to come forward. I … Continue reading

Thank Hermes its Friday!

Its Friday mutha fuckas! Welcome to my weekly installment of TGIF, this week’s theme is: Everybody’s workin for the weekend. A lot has been happening this week, people are still protesting in the land of cheese, Muammar Gaddafi is hell bent on establishing his legacy as a genocidal maniac, and the Academy Awards are on … Continue reading

Charlie Sheen Exposes the Truth About Vatican Assassins

Another tale detailing the exploits of Vatican Assassins has been written by our own Domino Cortez. Thursday February 24th, Charlie Sheen unleashed a rant of epic proportions. Charlie Sheen’s rant was a twisting jumble of arrogant and outlandish claims and crazed accusations…or so it would seem.  To the untrained ear Charlie Sheen’s rant was nothing … Continue reading