• Because we weren't wise enough to bear light...

Quit Writing about Yourselves Writers!

Whenever I hear someone say they are a writer I normally groan silently to myself. If they start talking about what they write then the groan may become more audible. The thing that makes me just want to kill people though is when writers write about being writers and think that people give a fuck. … Continue reading

This, more than anything, is a testament to TGIF's popularity

An Open Letter to Cory Matthews (aka Ben Savage)

It has recently come to my attention that you may or may not be the beneficiary of the world’s most absurd relationship rebound. I speak of course about the recent rumors circulating that you and Kristin Cavallari are an item. Is this true? I believe everything I read on the internet so I assume that yes, yes it is. This is shocking if for no other reason than I assumed the Savage family reproduced asexually. I’ve spent my morning wondering how this could be possible. The only logical conclusion is that God, karma, or whatever powers that be just really hate Jay Cutler.

Alex Trebek Will Choke a Bitch

In case anyone missed it last week, Jeopardy host and consummate badass Alex Trebek had his San Francisco hotel room robbed by the Blair Witch. How did Trebek respond? Considering that he’s in his 70’s I think we’d all understand if he barricaded himself in the bathroom, furiously pounding his Life Alert button while he … Continue reading

Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, I'M OUT

TMFGIF: Thank Motherfucking God it’s Friday

Domino Cortez runs down what if feels like on his last Friday ever at his soul sucking corporate job. (Spoiler: it feels good. So, so good).

barn-fire

When Barn Parties Go Bad

Just about anyone who has watched a sporting event on television over the past few months has undoubtedly seen the Budweiser “Coming Home” Commercial. This commercial should be a slam dunk, a soldier on active duty returning home tohis friends and family who throw him a sweet ass barn party complete with all of the fantastic Budweiser products. But, despite all of this I have a very big problem with this commercial.

Thought Catalog Douche of the Week

This is a new weekly(ish) segment called “Thought Catalog Douche of the Week.” The first Thought Catalog article I deconstructed I assumed to be an aberration. Apparently though that site has publishing standards almost as low as ours.  Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy Thought Catalog. There are some really wonderful articles on that … Continue reading

Welcome to Oklahoma 9-7-03

Please David: An Okie’s Plea

I live in a state filled with assholes. I don’t really consider myself one. I wasn’t born here after all, but it’s where I’ve spent the most of my time in my few decades of existence. I have always had a sort of weird sense of pride being from here. The state is full of … Continue reading

el-chupacabras

WARMageddon 2011- Survival Guide

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, although that theory does not always prove to be true. For example: when you give a casino security guard a weak, drunken shove and try and make off with $35 worth of chips they aren’t necessarily bound by the laws of physics to weakly shove … Continue reading

Sun

WARMageddon 2011- The Official “Hot as the Devil’s [insert genetalia]” Scale

WARMageddon 2011 is in full swing. One thing you hear a lot when it’s hot out is something to the effect of “it’s as hot as the devil’s balls out here.” What’s always bothered me about a statement like that, aside from the fact that whoever is saying that has obviously never handled the devil’s … Continue reading

StLouis1

Deconstructing a Douchebag

UPDATE It was brought to my attention that the author of the article skewered below has responded to this post (kind of, mentioned is more like it). When I cruised on over to “Exile in the Lou” to see what he had said I was sad to see that his response was civil, gracious even. … Continue reading

Thank Cai Shen its Friday!

Hey team! Its Friday and Domino is back to bring you another edition of TGIF! Today we’re going to be discussing the happier side of work, those weeks where things just seem to go right. Before we dive into that lets do a brief recap of the week. Shall we? Oh yes, we shall. The … Continue reading

Beer League Softball: Putting the “Angry” in Angry Drunk Summer After Summer

Thousands of poems, books, and films have been dedicated to the sport of baseball, and rightfully so.  It is America’s pastime. A game handed down from generation to generation, beloved by father and son.  Some say it captures the American spirit.  As Susan Sarandon once said Walt Whitman said: I see great things in baseball.  … Continue reading

Whirl

Greatest Newspaper Ever? Greatest Newspaper Ever.

They say print is dead, clearly whoever they are have not heard of the “St. Louis Evening Whirl.”  The Whirl is a thriving piece of print journalism focused solely on the reporting of urban crime.  After all, isn’t that what sells papers anyway? Only nerds read about government shutdowns and Middle Eastern protests. Why try … Continue reading

We’re Back! And with Some Class (or a Poop Story)

Rejoice, rejoice, the hiatus is over.  Why did we take a hiatus? Well technically only I took a hiatus, all the other writers just took my short absence as a cue to stop writing (thanks guys).  Honestly though I’m sure you’re all wondering to yourselves, “How hard is it to write some Goddamn dick jokes … Continue reading

Dan Akroyd Would Like to Have a Few Words With You

Sunday afternoon may have changed my life forever. It seemed like a typical Sunday, milling around the house, mindlessly enjoying my day off before I had to return to the daily grind. That was all about to change. I sat down for a little roommate bonding sesh that would include a viewing of ‘Dan Akroyd … Continue reading

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If Anyone Can Get Through This Disaster, It’s the Japanese

After watching about eight dozen videos of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami, I’m not really sure how anyone is still alive over there. Only a country where everyone has at least recessive ninja DNA could have handled a disaster of that magnitude the way the Japanese people are currently.   The Japanese coast makes post-Katrina New … Continue reading

BREAKING the News.

Yo, stop the presses. (Or whatever the equivalent to the presses is with blogs. Stop the internet? “Yo, Obama, flip that kill switch like your boy Mubarak”. That’s not right; they aren’t really boys.) DRUDGE SIREN! DRUDGE SIREN! DRUDGE SIREN! This post is the closest I’ll ever get to news on this site. And by … Continue reading

changes

Thank Bowie Its Friday!

It’s finally here, TGIF! I hope the week has been treating you well, it’s practically the weekend, so let’s act accordingly… like a boss.  This week I’ll be talking about ch-ch-ch-ch-changes in the work place.  Before we dive into that let’s do a little weekly recap of this week’s biggest stories. The GOP got their … Continue reading

I Must Have Found a Face-Up Penny or Run Over a Leprechaun or Something…

Last night something pretty amazing happened to me, I won something. I’ll back it up a bit to fill you in on the deets. Yesterday afternoon I got a text asking if I wanted to go to a concert, or as the kids call em these days “a show.” I had never heard of this … Continue reading

To My Neighbor

Man, I get it. Being in a relationship can be really trying experience, it really can. But seriously dude, you’re going about it all wrong. From what I gathered, you don’t actually live in my building. Anyways, your girlfriend (boyfriend?) lives across the hall from me. She/he has that fucking parakeet, cockatoo, parrot, whatever, it’s … Continue reading